


You're Made of Blood and Tar

by extentia



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: ???? - Freeform, Angst, Depression, Not much plot, POV 2nd person, Second Person, Suffering, condensed storytelling, kind of drabble, songbased drabbles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 22:34:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5515736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extentia/pseuds/extentia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were born to be who you are today. Your father shoved a gun into your hands as early as he could. He shoved his rhetoric down your throat, too, but you'd rather not think about that. Gerard - not Dad, not anything to you, anymore - Gerard ruined you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Made of Blood and Tar

**Author's Note:**

> each number is inspired the the corresponding track on this playlist I made  
> http://8tracks.com/boysdontlikeme/suffer-a-chris-argent-playlist  
> (corresponding tracklist is in the footnote with the quote that resonates most from it cus i'm a sucka for my own work tbh)

    
1:  
    You were born to be who you are today. Your father shoved a gun into your hands as early as he could. He shoved his rhetoric down your throat, too, but you'd rather not think about that. Gerard - not Dad, not anything to you, anymore - Gerard ruined you.

  
    You still have the gun practice. You still have something that is recognizable as you inside, when you pay attention. But you don't, not unless you have to.

  
    And, God, you're old. You might not feel it physically, but there's this void inside of you that just keeps growing each passing day and there's nothing you can fill it with anymore. You had Victoria, once upon a time, and you loved her as much as you could have imagined ever loving someone. Then there was Allison, poor, sweet, strong, dead Allison.

  
    You took Isaac with you just to have someone to mourn with. You're soft. You're too soft, too kind, too much a slave to your emotions. Compartmentalization is a skill, and if you end up on your death bed, crying because you finally realized you wasted the majority of your life, well, you think you can compartmentalize that, too.

  
  
2:  
    You don't know if Gerard was right or not. He told you, over target practice, over the corpse of successful hunts, over dinner, at stores, in passing, in bedtime stories - he told you that dealing with werewolves with any kind of sympathy, it would kill you.

  
    So maybe it is your fault that everything happened the way it did. It won't stop you from following Allison's Code. It's Allison's, but it's also the Argent's: We protect those who can not protect themselves. Except, there won't be anymore Argents, will there?

  
    You'll single-handedly allow the end of the Argent line to come to pass. Leaving the new code, and what could have been Allison's legacy, to dust.

  
    Days keep passing.

  
  
3:  
    Sometimes it's too much, and you collapse into your armchair and lose hours just thinking about all you've lost. Maybe they're happy, you try to rationalize, if some myths have grounding in reality, then maybe there is an afterlife. Banshee's communicate with the dead, right? But there's no way to even begin to prove that.

  
    You stop thinking about Victoria as much as you used to. You throw Isaac out, instead of teaching him, instead of helping him adjust to life after Allison. They're too similar. Against your better judgement, you still hear Gerard in your ear, condemning your choice to take Isaac with you from Beacon Hills. 

  
    It makes you choke, because prejudice runs deep even if you're working on it - and you're really trying, even through the lackluster grey days that seem to be coming far more often than not.

  
  
4:  
    You hate living without them. You hate the fact you're still living without them. You suck it up. Men are taught to de-sensitize themselves early in life. You were taught to hunt, to serve justice, to kill.

    You lose yourself in that.

  
  
5:  
    You start drinking when you lose the ability to do your job properly. You hate Kate. You hate Peter. You didn't think you had it in you, to feel that much anger, that much heat. You don't care that Kate got away - You hate that you let her.

  
    You track her with the Calavera Clan for weeks. You're going to keep Scott safe. We protect those who can not protect themselves. Scott's pack is innocent of any crime. The Calavera's are everything you detest. You used to be like them. It's still inside you, popping up in a detestable voice on odd occasions. You try to pretend like that realization isn't getting to you.

  
    The drinking gets a bit more frequent. The Calavera's lose a bit more patience. But you get Kate. And then, what is there left to do?

  
    The Calavera's leave you with sharp eyes and tight-lipped smiles. You stay in a motel for 5 days, lose track of the sunlight, lose track of your thoughts, and then decide to make your way somewhere you might be able to call home.

  
    Where haven't you ever been before? Where could you put down roots? Could you even make yourself stagnant?

  
    You try. You fail. You figure out Beacon Hills is more than a beacon for supernatural entities - it's the call of duty. You have nothing much to live for, but it's something.

  
  
6:  
    There is meaning in what you do. You'll get lucky - unlucky - you don't really know what you feel about it - but you'll die doing this, eventually. But you're good. You're doing good work. You're helping.

  
    There's no mistaking it now: you were wrong. Your family values were repulsive. You wasted too long and lost too much. Gerard doesn't die quietly, but your gun ends him. You, the last Argent, the oldest in Scott's pack. You're pack. You're stronger.

  
    You've lasted longer than you wanted to.

**Author's Note:**

> 1: You're So Cool - Nicole Dollanganger (You got guns for trophies mounted up like animal heads with the skulls of the highschool champs you keep in rows about your bed)  
> 2: 24 - Lana Del Rey (There's only 24 hours in a day and half of those you lay awake with thoughts of murdr and carnage. If you lie down with dogs than you'll get fleas; be careful of the company you keep.)  
> 3: Break Your Knees - Flyleaf ( There's no room to smile when the face you make just before you cry looks so young, like a child. The sun will set on this, my dear. )  
> 4: Body - Mother Mother ( Take my heart, pull it apart. Take my brain, or what remains, and throw it all away. Cause I've grown tired of this body; a cumbersome and heavy body. )  
> 5: God Knows I Tried - Lana Del Rey (God knows I lie. God knows I lost. God gave me life. And God knows I tried. God knows, I tried. God knows I tried. God knows, I try. )  
> 6: PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS SONG!!! IT IS THE WHOLE FIC TBH!!! SUCH A CHRIS ARGENT SONG!! LINK: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3F7K3-y71zo  
> Lividity - Nicole Dollanganger (Find no love in flesh, but only weapons: the ones that do the most damage. There is no peace in life but only in death. If I believe good wombs have borne bad sons, then I have no qualms using my gun. I only love the things that I can hurt. Taking baths in all of the bloodshed, from the shards I put into your head. I'll shoot and break my nose from the blow. What doesn't kill me makes me wish I was dead. Put you into the carpet. Like a love, it stains. I use these weapons to do the most damage that I can.)


End file.
